Comments : Autonomy.

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Keira Pickard

    This is beautifully written free verse. Each turn of phrase/metaphor/simile fits so well and the title is very clever.
    It's a sad write, but, in that, a powerful one. As far as I can see - and unfortunately, I'm a stickler for grammar, lol - there's perfect punctuation throughout. I loved the emotion in the last line and also the language throughout.
    I think I was slightly thrown by the term ' lumpy organs' in the second to last line in the first stanza. I'm particularly squeemish, so that made me feel a little sick and still, it works really well with the poem because of the. . . Imagery, haha
    Anyway, I enjoyed this free verse a lot, despite my ridiculous tendancy to squirm as any kind of mention of guts or gore :)

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Poet on the Piano

      Keira, thank you so much for your insightful comment! I may re-evaluate the "lumpy organs" part because it sounds kind of awkward now. I was trying to make an association between "lumpy cushions/sofa" to fit in with "spare change", but I was going back and forth on how to phrase it. Your point is helpful - no matter how squeamish you are lol. Thanks again!

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Michael

    Nicely penned MA,
    I like the independence theme here, and also how we can be judged and seen within society
    M

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Ben Pickard

    It does get...depressing being told to cheer up constantly, doesn't it? Especially by those people who don't suffer and so can't possibly understand.
    This is superb writing, MA, and brimful of great lines, with my personal favourite being the one with sunbeams and lions! Truly, excellent imagination on display there and throughout.

    Take care, and when you feel particularly miserable, stick some moving music on and just know that you have the ability to connect with it in a way all those naysayers couldn't possibly. And that is the same reason you have the ability to write like this: an emotional understanding and sensitivity, and there are reasons enough in that to find some measure of happiness.

    • 3 weeks ago

      by Poet on the Piano

      Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, Ben. It means a lot!

  • 3 weeks ago

    by Everlasting

    as if positive
    thinking is a lightswitch I can turn on in
    every room, like it's not a more complex
    issue than broken bulbs or a power outage.

    ^ actually positive thinking is kind of like that ... a light switch. If by turning on the light switch nothing happens, change the lightbulb. If there’s a power outage, you got to wait until is fixed or move somewhere where there isn’t one, that is, if being in the negative light affects you to the point you cannot take it anymore.

    I hope you are doing well.

  • 2 weeks ago

    by Em

    I totally understand this..
    You seem to be taking a walk in my shoes, as in, I could have written this myself for I'm sick of this damned same thing to... People saying "cheer up," or worse saying "you've got nothing to be depressed about" like they even have a clue.
    I just hope that no matter what they don't have to go through what we've had to do then they don't have to feel even an ounce of our pain because I wouldn't even wish it on my worse enemy.

    A fantastic, thought provoking piece that we should walk a mile in someone else's shoes before judging or before even jokingly saying they should cheer up because we could be stood next to someone who is fighting the hardest battle of their life and we have no clue what-so-ever.
    Do take care,
    Em xx