The Darkness

by Lil   Sep 9, 2021

She kick him to his knees and saw off his wings and lifted him for dead.
He lay there as darkness called for him.
Cold, dark, alone, soo terribly alone.


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  • 2 weeks ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    The darkness can be such an imposing presence. My main suggestion here would be to provide more detail to really show the degree of loneliness and despair, painting a picture with more vivid emotions and more substance. This felt a bit too short to have much background. I was actually curious who "she" was. Or if "she" is to remain unknown. Is she someone he knows? Is she seeking retribution? Also, "kick" should be "kicked" if you're going with the past tense, and "saw" - "sawed", then "lifted" should be "left".

    And welcome to the site! Hope to read more from you in the future.