Comments : near prayer.

  • 2 years ago

    by BOB GALLO

    This is written very poetically. The way the poetical muscles were stretched seem very professional. Also I noticed the traces of some philosophical depth in this that can not be faked. Specially about the leaner and character of time that often poets would not go beyond.

    I wish you did not use "chewed" by the beak... It is hard to imagine a dove doing that.

    • 2 years ago

      by prasanna

      The reason why I chose 'chewed', instead of 'regurgitated' or something to that effect, was for me personally, chewing conjures up imagery of teeth. A bird with teeth seems unsettling to think of, which is what I was going for: that dove won't make it out of the nest, will never fly, won't survive because it's misshapen, the metaphor I was going for with this unrequited love. Thank you for reading!

    • 2 years ago

      by BOB GALLO

      I got that. I know why you chose chewing. It is very expressive for what you want to convey, but still I would go around it somehow, Guess it is the matter of personal taste.
      Again it is an awesome write.