I always thought that heartbreak was one of the worst things I could ever go through-
For when I love someone I do so very deeply and in return when I am hurting;
It is devastating.
I’ve been through my fair share of heartbreak,
And I’ve been through many traumatic things that have rewired my brain and left me an anxiety ridden mess but none of them have ever come close to this level of deeply embedded grief inside of me.
There’s just something so haunting about watching someone go from such a happy healthy person
To a sickly man whose skin is thinner than paper and whose bones you feel like you could count.
Your body diminished to a degree that sometimes I felt like the only thing keeping you alive was the machines they hooked you up to 4-5 times a week;
But I know now that it was your love for me that did it.
You fought like a soldier in war to the very end;
Always making it home to me until you were too weak to continue but still-
You made it home to me once more before you decided to go.
Even though you knew you were dying you still had a smile on your face and light in your eyes in your last few days.
Nothing haunts me the way that light leaving your eyes did when your breath caught;
My screams echoing throughout your house as the neighbor outside was on the phone with dispatch.
You were gone before your body left-
And I felt it.
But sometimes I still feel you-
On the car rides home.
At night when I’m watching the hallmark movies you loved so much.
Mid day when my daughters laughter fills the air.
At night before bed when I’m cuddled up with your dog.
You’re still here and l find comfort in it but-
your absence left a hole in me that nobody else will ever be able to fill.
I only get one dad-
And I know you needed to go but god you left way too soon.