Third year and I am angry

Glancing at the clock, flipping pages-
Exam season, zombie gaze
No food, half awake
Neuromuscular fatigue pulls my soul down.

12:01 AM

My most precious friend's birthday.
A spark.
Motivation spikes to infinity.

(Write and rewrite)
This is not good
(Write and rewrite)
So hollow
(Write and rewrite)
Does this say - "I'm so glad you exist?"
No. It doesn't.
(Write and rewrite)

Click
Oh my god......blue tick.
.
.
.
.
Cold days.
My heart is cold too.

8:41 AM

" Treasure you - beyond anyone's scope of understanding"
"I am sorry for the late wish, I was waiting for 12."

Radiance on my face.

(Monologue in my head)
"You don't know how much I wanted to say this to you"

Chuckles and berries all day.
Flowers on my head, love in my heart

Some days later

(On the phone)
"That's a meme she sent me - laughed so hard at exactly 12."
"Dude sh_ hh_ she forgot your birthday"

(monologue in my head)
Oh.
she lied.
I knew it though.
It's fine, I don't care about these things anyway
The intent had moved me.

(Some place far, they meet)

"Dude, she found out you lied"
The most precious friend "I don't care."

It ached.
I couldn't move.
For two years.

Third year.
And now-
I am angry.