You win, satan

I.listen to my great neice crying and screaming after her vaccines
Two months old and inconsolable
And I hear of a man, losing his youngest daughter
All this. And my love hurting,
My life over
And I breakdown in tears and have to leave
It's happened.
For months I've put on a brave face and hidden in an alcohol coma
Now I sit in front of them all
Crying my soul out
Dying
And yet still, no one understands.
Nothing matters.
I'm not meant for this planet
I never have been
And the plans to leave, advance rapidly
I am so done.
With everything
With failure and pain and never being good enough.
The loving so hard it rips my soul to shreds and laughs in my face like the world has done for over 50 years.
The wrong will never be right
I am wrong
And that isn't right
I sit in my room here
Snot tears dripping down my face
Into the beard I've not bothered shaving for two months and I'm f**kin done
You win Satan
You win