You’d had every intention of making it easy for me to walk away-
I’d told you I’d had too much trouble trying to rid my life of the leeches that are my exes,
It was a consideration on your part that felt wildly respectful to me.
The smoke clung to my jeans as I stared at the fire-
Contemplating on where this was going and how much I was willing to let it matter,
definitely not pushing back grief as I adjusted myself on your lap to keep from tipping.
The wind direction had not been cooperative with my chair.
“But then I got to know you and I just don’t think I can do that.” You’d said-
And before my brain could comprehend what was happening,
I kissed you.
And then I cursed under my breath on the way to the bathroom.
We spend our days taking the dogs to the park-
Wild adventures with my daughter that end in laughter and footrubs,
Gentle shoulder kisses and rubbing my back until I fall asleep.
None of it feels fair right now and that’s a different type of grief.
You’d said you had every intention of making it easy for me to walk away-
I wouldn’t have to deal with spam book-mails and the rambling of drunk men who can’t stop thinking about their ex from years ago.
You left an exit door open for me.
And then neither of us wanted me to walk through it.
