I am okay, I`m not okay

I seem to spend half of my time
looking in the mirror these days
wondering where it all went wrong
wondering what I became

Wouldn't it be nuts if i were
the only friend I had on this earth
id sent myself gifts and letters
to feel as if my life had meaning and worth

I remember when we were first together
when the thought of us was still young and new
we`d fall asleep as the rain hit the window
wake each morning to skys of blue

The promise of love was all we needed
we thought nothing could get in the way
we would kiss and cuddle, say endless `I love yous`
share special moments together all day

Now we are dead but the sun keeps rising
I'm trying to remember how it felt to feel love
I keep asking myself could things have been different
were we not meant to be? did we try hard enough?

The other night i gazed up at the stars
and wondered what we would have done today
I tried to ignore the emptiness inside
tried to forget the reasons it all slipped away

I jumped in the car and went for a drive
thought about stopping at the payphone
i wanted to pick up the receiver and ring my number
just so i had a message waiting when i got home

Ive lost my `living with a broken heart` instruction book
so I'm failing badly at getting on and living without you
I keep telling myself I am okay, but I`m not okay
I wish I had never been born or could start life anew

Walking around the streets I feel out of place
avoiding eye contact, staring at the ground
my slow descent into depression picking up speed
yesteryear conversations are the only sound

I woke up feeling scared today
realising all my worst fears are true
I came downstairs and stared at the walls
trying to pretend I had never met you

I think my medication is wearing off
nothing seems to work on me anymore
my doctor says I'm doing better but that ain't true
he hasn't seen me crying on the kitchen floor

In the stillness of my lonely bed nights
my mind keeps replaying that mid winter eve
when you walked stage left out of my future
taking with you all my prayers and needs

I wish I was an astronaut on a lunar mission
flying in a rocket through endless skys of black
sailing through the heavens i could forget about our good times
I would walk across the moonscape and never come back