I let myself cry

I let myself cry.
It was the first time,
I tried to cry myself to sleep.

That I did last night.
It was 4 in the morning.
And I was dog tired.

I see him everytime
I close my eyes.
And I'm so scared to sleep.

When I let myself cry
I imagined you holding me tight.
And letting me know it was ok.

I am ashamed of him.
I am scared of him.
But in the end I have you.

I let myself cry
I cried into my pillow.
When the sun rised....

I was still crying.

Never have I cried so.
Never had I let myself.
But I had to cry.