*Shivers*
Whoa!! Your couplet style is awesome man. Keep it up. But try exploring different styles. The ending rocks by the way. Rocks.. heheh, get it?
Aken Sol

I liked it, but the lines were a bit short, so that made the rhyme scheme apparent and explicit. As an exercise, I mixed up the lines so that ur AABB turned into an ABAB, and the result was interesting. I think you should consider giving that switch a shot, there are a few lines that would need tweaking, but I think the message stays the same and it gets rid of the rhyming thing, which you can notice a lot if you read it out loud.

i thought it was great. you have talent. i must admit i am a bit jealous. keep up the good work!

short n sweet(though sweet takes up a completely new meaning here)lol good job

Thanks for all the comments everyone. I'm glad to see people enjoying my poems because I've only been writing em for 2 days now. Glad I can do something right =)

Whatver man, you do plenty of stuff right. Your the freakin king of the jungle for gosh sake. Roar. lol. Hurry up and write some more. You've got fans waiting here.
Aken Sol

wow...this is deep.

Totally loved this one! You have such talent, especially for someone whos only been writing such a short time. Keep it up!