Heart in My Hand

For Lucy and Joanne

There's a heart in my hand and I'm squeezing it hard,
Trying to stop all these feelings I've barred,
From coming back, making thoughts in my head,
And i can't understand, why I'm not even dead,

All i wanted before was a little bit of love,
As i reach the core all i see is more blood,
Is this pain all the things I've been looking for?
Does this hurt symbolize what i want and more?

Or am i just hiding from the truth inside?
All the tears and the hurt and the pain and the cries,
For all that i want and all that i feel,
To go far away and to seem less real,

I wish i was normal or dead or unknown,
Do all the thoughts i have mean that I've grown?
Or have i shrunk back to the ultimate end?
And have i forgotten just how to pretend?

That I'm feeling alright, maybe fake a smile,
But i walk round waiting, like I'm pending trial,
All the friends i have deserve a rest,
From my moaning and groaning i feel like a pest.

But without their help i wouldn't be here,
I'd be far away from death and fear,
'Cause I'd already be dead, now can you see?
I have the best friends that ever could be.

Without Lucy and Jo I'd be always down,
Without there help i would not be around,
So you see this poem it's really for them,
The ones and the onlies, my two bestest friends.

*All votes and comments greatly appreciated as always*