I am trying to hurry!

Have you ever felt like you want to die?
Do you ever feel like you want to give it all up and not even try?
Many people think that I like being this way, that I do it for attention.
But I hate the way I am! I don't like the things I do, maybe thats something that I've always forgotten to mention.
Some who care ask why I do these things.
But I can't tell them, because I have such a hard time expressing my feelings.
I know that even to me some of my reasons are unclear.
But right now, I have nothing but time so I will list some of them here.
When I think about him I get so depressed.
I know he doesn't like me, thats one of the reasons I get so stressed.
I like him so much, and have for so long.
I can't understand why he doesn't want me, what am I doing that is so wrong?
I didn't mean to fall for him. It wasn't part of my plan.
But I did, and now all I can do is get by without him the best that I can.
The fact that my life is one big mistake to my parents doesn't make things much better.
They only focus on the bad things, the good ones don't really seem to matter.
And it hurts so bad to listen to their constant fights.
The fact that they are usually fighting over something that I did really bites.
My mom is constantly yelling over something I've said or done wrong.
Maybe she'll finally see that I wasn't so bad, that is, after I'm gone.
These are just some of the reasons that I've become so weak.
If most people only knew about half of the times that I've cut myself they would freak.
Sometimes when I cut myself it is only to see how much I will bleed.
And maybe its because of those people who just aren't showing me the love that I need.
Maybe its true,, that I know that knife isn't the answer.
But, dam, it sure does help me let out all of that pain, aggression, and anger.
Now don't get what I'm saying all wrong, I know there are plenty out there who really do care.
But, it is the ones I need the most who are never there.
To those who really do care, I want to say thank you!
You are the ones who have really helped me pull through.
I'm sorry that I have gotten this bad! I know that I am making you worry.
But please don't because I am really trying to get my life back, and for you, I am trying to hurry!