Why?

Why is it that every time a problem comes up death is my number one thought? why is it that when i dream its not of how i can better others but how dreams never come ture? why is it when life finally seems to be going okay that matter i can be happy it always gets messed up?
why is it that i feel as if no one could possibly care for me?
why why must i crave what i know i could never have?