This terrible thought

I don't like myself anymore
I'm sorry I have all these feelings
I know it's bad,
But I'm always thinking about death.

I feel awful, I feel guilty and I'm really sorry
I was always the one who say that life was a gift
I was the one who supported my friends when they were that down
I managed to keep a person living.

But now, I may want to die
But no one's there for me this time
I'm all alone and I don't know what to do
This thought never leaves my head
It keeps humming inside and doesn't ever fade away

I'm afraid, I don't know till what extent this will lead me to.
And in a way, I don't care
I can't see the point of living
My life has nothing special in it anyway

Maybe I'm not thankful enough,
But I'm pouring out my feelings to you now
In order to let go of all that negativity.

....Hope it works, even though I doubt.....