Built up guilt

This year has been my worst
everyone is finding out who i really am
every fight and crying deal
has started with me
I'm sorry to everyone
but only few can see
my eyes yet not pure
from what i used to be
i still have regrets of little things
that i cant hold back
i used to have 5 best friends
but that went down to one
i used to trust them
but i cant even trust myself
let alone the people i love
my friends all caring
problems of their own
yet they take the time to help me out
that i do not show
for one friend-we are opposites indeed
but that friend helped me through
when i was in need
i tried to give back
but i did not succeed
got things back together
for not even a day
said i was sorry
that i was wrong
then she found things out
i was keeping from everyone
but she found my poems
my e-mail written with hate
now i know why we do things
why she got mad
at first i didn't understand
things that were going on
i felt so empty
till she came along
now we are back to what i didn't want
words cant even say how much I'm sorry not candy or flowers too
i lied about it and didn't even care
figure you wouldn't know
so i took things into my own matter
and went back alone
told the counselor everything
that had been going on
i figured my guiltiness
would soon go away
forever to be gone
yet i still feel guilty
because i did it wrong
I'm sorry for what i did
what i didn't know
I'm still clueless
but give me another shot
I'm on my way up
from the bottom where i lye
taking the healing process
one step up