Counting

No one will ever get this
no one will understand
your reasons for these little things
but its what He's got planned.

day by day
you live in fear
counting the hours, minutes, seconds...
just praying for another year.

'...they could be wrong
they're not always right...'
is what you repeat to yourself
before you go to sleep each night.

in fear of not waking up,
you never do get any real sleep
wishing for another dream
to remember how good its all been.

you're caught up in all your thoughts
school starts to slip behind you,
your family acts like its nothing at all
and your friends don't even have a clue.

in a way
its a blessing
with a deceiving disguise

so tell me- which is worse
knowing just how long you'll live
or never knowing when you'll die?