Am I special?

I wish I could look on this site
and see a poem for me
Not a tale of sadness or fright
But something kind, you see
I know I'm not that special
In fact I'm pretty plain
I'd love to feel like I mattered though
Not constantly the same
All I am is suicide
Blood and gore and pain
I'd love to feel differently inside
Instead I cry again
I've never been called pretty
And even though I'm not
I guess I long to hear it
But I guess its my fault
I wish I wasn't so fat
I so hate my reflection
I hate everything about me
It adds to my depression
Don't get me wrong I know you care
But sometimes I just feel
I don't want to be pitied
I just want to be real
Like her, you know the one I mean
I get so god damn sad
When I see her looking great
Never looking bad
Why was I born to look this way
Why can't I look like them
just for one, one single day
stop having to look down
As anyone my age walks by
I stare straight at the ground
Until it gets too much one day
And dead I will be found