Cutting,Hoping,Wishing,Dreaming

One day I'll be happy,
I'll have a real smile
I wonder when the day will come?
Probably not for a while.

I am all alone and
sometimes wishing I were dead.
I saw a razor laying
Something told me in my head

It said for me to pick it up,
For it will relieve what you feel
Cut yourself very deep,
And if you dont pain is what you'll deal

I am doing what it said
I'm cutting very deep.
I'm also hoping,
That I would fall asleep.

Fall asleep and
never wake up again
I would be dead,
It would be my end

Only that didn't happened.
What was it that went wrong?
I have been cutting deep by my wrist,
for very long

Some how still
I haven't gone to my place
It's like I'm running in slow motion
When trying to win a race.