That Night

Horrible night.
so many tears shed.
death
wish.
while lying in between my bed and wall.
scrunched in the
corner.
hate for myself.
Wondering why you still care.
Why you're trying so hard to help me through this.
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO!?
I won't make it through without harm.
I won't make it.
(I won't make it)
I wish I could just take it.
End it all.
Burn in hades.
(If there is a hades)
I'm not going to leave you.
Stop crying.
I won't leave without you.
I'll just bleed.
Bleed.
I'm going to beeping bleed.
Lose so much blood, your eyes will cloud over and rain.
(Like they never have before)
~
Hate myself.
Hate me, baby.
I know you want to.
Give up on me.
Give up on me, baby.
You can't save me.
~
You listen on the phone, as do I.
Not a word is being said.
Until you say, "I have to go."
I plead for you not go; not to leave.
You say you have to or you will lose your phone privileges.
All of a sudden; out of nowhere, I say: "I'm going to do it."
You know exactly what I mean.
"No baby, please. Don't do it." You plead.
You hate seeing me in so much pain.
You've never seen me this depressed.
This crazy.
Locked in a corner like a caged animal at a zoo.
Crying like a maniac who just lost someone close to you
or,
someone who was hurt deeply that very night.
The minutes pass as you keep trying to push me out.
Out of the deep dark hole of death into the light of happiness and butterflies.
As I begin to rain, you say,"Baby, are you crying?"
I say yes and you sigh.
"Don't cry.." You beg.
After a few moments of you trying to calm me down and talk me out of bleeding,
you say you really have to go.
"I want to be able to talk to you tomorrow."
I give in, we exchange our I love you's and hang up.
I cry harder.
I miss you, My mind calls.
I need you and you left me, My heart cries.
As my cries slowly fade off into the distance, I bleed.
Bleed.
(Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeed)
~
I think back on our conversation.
You said you could handle me.
Since so many of your friends have bipolar.
I'm difficult.
All of the sarcasm I muttered.
All of the times when you didn't hear what I said
so you asked what
and I'd say, "Nothing."
I'm sorry.
I don't want you to worry about me.
I just want you to forget me.
(I would never forget you)
I want you to find someone better.
(Better than me)
Someone who wouldn't make you cry.
(every beeping night)
Someone who would make you much happier.
(Happier than I make you)
~
Crying...
Crying, crying, crying.
I can't stop.
Why did you have to leave?
The thoughts won't end:
Breaking down...
Death.
Blood.
Knife.
Kill yourself.
~
This poem could go on forever.
I could describe every single emotion I'm feeling.
But then it'd get boring.
And you'd probably leave me.
So As much as I don't want to,
I'm going to end it here.
(end it here)