I lie in my bed,
Looking through the darkness.
Dark thoughts are running through my head.
Knowing not why God has deprived me of happiness.
I try to please everyone,
But I never can.
This weight on me feels like a ton.
I pull back the sheets,
Turn on my light.
I start to walk before I am blessed with sight.
I grab my blade,
I will make this pain fade.
I tear my skin easily,
I see the crimson tears flow down my arm.
All my pain, all this harm.
I want to scream,
I want to shout,
But instead this is the way I let it all out.
Another slice,
I see the stain on my carpet,
Where previous crimson tears have fell.
There will be more,
At least as long as I'm living in this private hell.
People say don't do that,
But they don't see,
That it's the only way,
To keep the insanity away from me.
I don't really listen to what they say.
Crimson tears run down my arm,
All my pain, all this harm.
After I'm through,
I look down at where the tears have started to harden.
I feel lifted, this burden.
But then I think,
Oh God, what have I done?
