Trying to stop

Can i really handle this, can i really go on? truly and honestly I'm trying to stay strong. i don't need my knife this is what i say i just wish i wasn't addicted to it in every way i wish i didn't cut, wish i didn't bleed, wish i didn't cry till it was too blurry to see i wanna get help but I'm afraid to say i need my knife i need it every day i want to tell my friends but i don't think they'll understand that i need some body to take me by that hand i hate this overwhelming desire to die there's just so much pain so every night i make bigger and longer cuts on my vein i know it's not the right way but what can i do? I'm just doing my best to get through I'm going to try to stop try with all my might I'm going to give this knife one hell of a fight but if i should lose I'm sorry to all i leave behind I'm sorry but the knife won this time.

thanks for reading.always-
shattered and broken