Changing

Longer periods of dark with no memory
Waking up alone in a cold sweat every day
Feeling so defenceless, stripped of my feelings
This is lifes way of making me pay

Pain threshold extended with every time I cut
Creations and words written on my body
Scarred into my skin, never leaving
There for me to see permanently

Failures building up into a mountain in my mind
Seeing only bad things occuring in my life
Changing now and not for the better
Losing the battle against all my strife

Buckling under the weight of the world
No longer able to carry on with this pain
Down and out for the final time
No knowing what, by living I will gain

When I see her, and I know
It rips me apart
She means so much and she is blind to my love
Tearing my already damaged heart

Residing in a box in my cracked and broken mind
Lie my thoughts the ones that I have tried to hide
But they, control me and run me
With them, they control me, my suicide....