Why did i give up my child (true story)

I no it wasn't great,
the way you were made,
from the bloke that forced me,
and my trust betrayed.

but you were a little life,
inside of me,
and all my guilt,
no one can see.

that say get over it,
it's all in the past,
but i know,
this pain will always last.

you would be in this world,
in one months time,
how i will deal with that day,
is another mountain to climb.

would you be,
a girl or boy,
but i will never know,
as you i had to destroy.

i will never forget you,
and what i did,
for as long as i live,
you will be my first kid!

please comment as this is a true story and means lots to me