Another night, another cut

So here I am again
another night,
another cut
i don't wanna sleep
for the nightmares of my past
they make their way into my head and they stay until forever

no matter how many people
i can see, or how many people
are around
i am always scared
because it's my life I'm scared for
and It's me who will hurt it
destroy it
ruin it
end it

there's nothing left
not a thing
every night i try to find
where it is that I belong
not a single place anywhere
have I found that i fit in

the only friend in this world
that i can trust...
hi sarah!!!
but other than that
this world is a crust
calling out my name to join it
the dryest hottest nothing
that i have ever known

desert cancels out the rain
rain cancels out the heat
heat cancels out the cold
cold cancels out the desert

a cycle, one of worlds many
but see this cycle
it doesn't include me
nor do my my friends
or family

am i a white sheep in a black heard
or maybe the other way around
it is a good thing to be different
but not to be the odd one out

see what I'm trying to say
is that things never go my way
and i sit here and never complain
because in the end
nobody listens

so here I am
another night
another cut
all because thats the cycle
that the world provided for me!

(C) Lucy Green

thanks for reading my poem,
I understand if you don't like it or don't get it, it's like, the weirdest poem i think i have ever written, so sorry!