What Ive lost and never had

What a growing boy needs,
I never even had.
That special someone,
most know as a dad.

A relationship wit my mom,
is all that I knew.
But she was an alcoholic,
pretty much gone too.

I have so many relatives,
but that ain't the same.
They have their own life now,
and don't need my shame.

I thought I had friends,
but none are really true.
I don't have anyone,
I can get close to.

I met the most beautiful person,
she brought happiness in my life.
I honestly thought one day,
she would be my wife.

Instead of getting married,
I went and lost her too.
I'm so confused without her,
I don't know what to do.

What Ive lost and never had,
throughout these painful years.
When I stop and look back
Ive shed so many tears.