My Last

I never thought this would happen
Because every one of my cuts
I always tried to hide
Or put them somewhere
Not easy to notice

But when I started again
I put them on my arm
I had grown bored of my legs
So I moved to new ground
But that night that I started
I actually did it for pain
And I put one across my arm
And became hooked once again

The night after that
After I started again
With that one simple cut
But this night I wanted no pain
This night it was like before
When I wanted the blood
Except this night it was worse
And I needed more blood

I grabbed the scissors once more
And used them again
To tear across my arm
Next to the other night’s
But I didn't make it too bad
I wanted it to look like
It wasn't me who had done it
So instead of just that
I did that one plus two

I was more cautious now
I didn’t want people to see
So I took the scissors
Across my ribs
It barely bled
Barely even left a mark
I had gone too slow
I wasn’t used to doing it there
So I took that blade once more
I ripped open my palm
I knew it would hurt
But it wouldn’t be noticed
So I did it there
And made sure it bled
Because this night
It was for the blood

I thought that was the worst
I thought I would stop
Or if I wasn’t done
I thought the worst was over
But I was mistaken
I was so very wrong
The worst was still coming
And now that it’s passed
I finally do know
That the worst is done

The night after
I did those three cuts
I was falling once more
And needed the blood
I held the scissors in my hand
As I looked at my wrist
I saw the veins there
And I knew they would bleed
There would be plenty of blood
But I was still slightly scared
That I would go too deep
And too much would come
So I decided
Instead of not do it
I’ll move away from my wrist
Just a little bit though
Just so it’s not right on the vein

I was sure to do it slow
It’s never as deep
If I try to slow down
Despite being shallow
It still bled plenty
It was worse than all three together
The night before
But even with that
I still wanted more
So as my wrist bled
I took the scissors across
The cut on my ribs
But this time I wasn’t slow
I was no longer scared
Of if it would hurt
So I pressed down hard
And I tore across fast
The blood was soon coming
So I began to relax

I sat for ten minutes
Then I remembered
What I had said
What I told Zac
That I would do everything
To keep myself from this
So I sent him a text
Asking for help
Lying and saying
That I wanted to do it
Not telling him yet
That it was already done

Now I look at my wrist
And the cut that is there
I realize now
How bad it’s gotten
And if I don’t stop now
I may not make it
I’ve done it on my wrist
Not ‘cause I wanted to die
But if I go any longer
It will only get worse
So this time I’m trying
Even more than before
I know I’ll make it
This time’s my last
‘Cause if I don’t stop now
I’ll soon be a part of the past