Storm of my life

So torn
And broken inside
Just can't stand it anymore
My life's just one big thunderstorm
Except the thunder is screaming
And the lightening is the abuse that my flesh takes

So long I've dealt with this life
That's just one big storm
While I'm laying in bed
After one of the terrible days
I think the worst is over
But deep down I know that the worst is still coming
This storm is still brewing

I started to break
Soon before my 13th birthday
My mom had been gone
And buried in the ground
For two agonizing months
And my dad was in a terrible rage
Drinking down the bottles

Only went down from there
The thunder and lightening grew so much stronger
But I was getting older
I was dealing
But my life was hell to me

I've been dealt with the death of my mother
I've been dealt with the abuse of my father
I've been dealt with the task of raising myself for many long years
I've been dealt with the gift of having my heart ripped and torn apart
I've been dealt with having to watch the man I've loved for so long love her

But I know how to handle this life
Oh this life of mine
Every time things get to rough
For every single tear
I take this knife and slash
I make myself bleed crimson tears
And I feel free
Free from all the pain and abuse
That I've been dealt

But I'm so torn
And broken inside
And I won't be able to stand it to much longer
For even though I'm broken
I can be given one more blow
That will lead to my death
And I know its coming
For the storm is still brewing

*please read and comment on this poem because its one of the more personal poems I've posted on here so far