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First off, instead of "Are", use "our". Set this up like a poem...do that with all of your poems. Set them up in stanzas. And use a broader word choice...beef up the poem and you'll far! you're a great poet..you just need a little help.

that was swt omg thx for commenting mine sorri i'll try to comment some otha of urs wen i hav time bcoz i hardly go on this site like once in 2 weeks lolz anways keep it up =] take care i'm going nows *waves* =P

that was sweet! keep up the great work thanx 4 the coments on mine!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really good. I like this one!! keep writing.

check out some of mine sometime.