When Your Dreams Parish

My heart contained a special wish
Overwhelming desire dwelling deep within my essence
One milestone that only two intimate souls can accomplish
One that would give endless meaning to existence

I waited so long to satisfy this deep longing for motherhood
I accepted that my heart would alert me when ready
Conclusively, one hopeful summers day, the test was understood
Ultimately, attaining the dream to become a mommy

The first moment that my fetus was seen by ultrasound
Profound worries were replaced with a love about to begin
Visualizing the baby developing safely, with no complications found
The following few months, focus was solely on my baby, growing quickly within

The months went by, the pregnancy furthermore progressing
Each passing day was confronted with experiences unknown
Every night thanking God for this blessing
I anticipated a little girl to call my own

That tragic winters day, my worst fears became devastating reality
My body overcome with a strong taste of terror, I sensed that something was wrong
The doctor revealed that there had been an unexplainable fatality
My baby who grew inside of me was unable to remain strong

I felt my heart like glass, shattered
The hopes so preciously held, diminished instantaneously
With those few words, my irreplaceable dreams no longer mattered
Nevermore would I get the opportunity to become the beloved mommy

The birth utterly crushing
The silence in the room, agonizing, subconsciously anticipating a newborns cry
Unable to look within my little girls eyes for the first time, mortifying
With no chance to hold her tiny little hand to pacify

The justifications remain severe
Many unanswered questions, moving through life is a constant fight
God chose his angel, his reasons unclear
I worry she’s lonely and wanting my love to guide her through the night

Wondering always who she’d look like
Her Daddy’s smile?
Would her hand have fit mine to hold on tight?
These questions through my mind, in consistent circular file

Without my daughter Brooklyn to share my life and creed
All I used to be has taken flight
My soul has fled, my heart left to bleed
A part is with her, I’ve lost the fight

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