Beaten

I tried not to show
How sore I was today
But I couldn't help it
I kept wincing at the pain
That engulfed my body
From head to toe

I did hide it well though
I wasn't too bad
If I had shown it all
I would have been limping
And close to tears
Whenever somebody would hit my arm
Just joking around

My legs felt so weak
It was hard to stand
And most of the day
I wanted to just curl up and die
So that I wouldn't be
In so much pain
And could just sleep
Forever

I never noticed before
How often people hit me
Just a soft punch in the arms
Just a little joke
But today when I said "ow"
I wasn't joking around
Like I normally do

Today seemed worse
Than yesterday had been
I know why though
It's because last night
I hit myself again
Not as brutally
Not throwing myself around
But I punched myself
All over my arms and legs

I did it again today
Punched myself once more
Harder than last night
Over and over in the same spot
And now there's a large bruise
That you can see for yourself
Because most of the others
Didn't darken the flesh
But I can still feel them
So very much

You were so worried about cutting
And I know you still are
But this seems worse
To me at least
I guess you can say
Because my mom is the cause
I'm a victim of child abuse
And self mutilation
At the same time