I Can't Let Go

Those days, that seem like so long ago..
Though you’ve probably forgotten, I haven’t let go
I’ve been trying so hard- my very best,
to just forget it all.. And give it a rest

I know you probably don’t understand,
but I hate how things didn’t work out and..
Believe it or not, I still can’t stop,
all of these tears.. I can’t prevent a single drop

Pathetic isn’t it? How you’ve moved on..
And yet, I’m sitting here, crying about you being gone
What’s even more sad, is how you (physically) didn’t leave,
Yet I’m making such a big deal.. Geeze..

You know, when you told me you hated me, and you caused me to cry
I thought that would be the worst of it, and that was “Good-bye.”
Obviously, I was wrong, and things got more terrible,
With each passing day, everything got less bearable

To be honest, after that day..
I thought that things were going start to come my way..
Thinking that it’d be okay..
But then you looked at me.. And.. I just turned away

Why I did that? I’ll never know..
At that point, rather than a friend, you were more like a foe
“I f_ckin’ hate you,” was ringing through my mind- it wouldn’t stop
I wanted to let out everything or I was going to pop

So everyday, after I came home from school,
when I no longer needed to deny my feelings like a fool
I’d go to my room and close the door,
I’d sit on the side of my bed, tears would drop to the floor

Thinking the same thing over again,
Why can’t he just be my friend?
Hoping that this was all a dream and I’d soon awake,
Eventually, I’d come back to reality and realize it wasn’t fake

For some reason, I thought, Maybe he wants to be friends again too..
So I looked at your profile sometimes, to see if it were true
“Never been happier” was one of the lines
I foolishly thought we could be friends, was I blind?

I tried to talk to you, though I “knew” you were mad,
Assuming that would be the only way to help me feel less sad
I guess it only caused me to feel less happy..
The more I tried to do something about it, the more I felt crappy

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, someone IMs me..
“Is it okay if him and I go out?” the question came out suddenly
I wanted, so badly, to say it wasn’t alright..
But instead I said it was okay and just held it all in that night

The following morning, I woke up to a song..
How Could You, by Mario came on..
Gosh, what great timing the radio had..
So I brought a basketball to school to forget about the bad

That day, I had such horrible luck
As I practiced shooting, the ball got stuck
I tried to throw things at it, to get it down
but all that did, was make me look like a clown

These younger aged students laughed at me and didn’t bother to help at all
Just then, you just arrived to school from across the yard, I could’ve sworn you saw
Try jumping! HAHAHA! Those kids broke me down,
I couldn’t take it anymore and I sat on the ground..

I cried it all out, so many tears, and even more
it wasn’t the basketball, but it was you who I was crying for
Before I knew it, the bell had rung
it was time to go in, but I wasn’t done

I knew I had to head inside,
So this time, the stairs was where I cried
I couldn’t believe it.. But it was true..
someone else was now with you

Someone else was now on your mind,
how could I have been so blind?
Of course it would happen soon enough,
I just.. Didn’t have the strength to “suck it all up”

It hurt me so badly to see either of you,
together it hurt even more too..
But I tried my best to hold it all in,
because I am supposedly supposed to be “happy for my friend”

Finally, something got a lot better,
That moment you IMed me, I felt like the happiest ever
We were “friends” again, from what I could tell,
but, compared to before, our friendship wouldn’t be as well.

I was actually “happy” for once, or so I thought..
Thinking that feeling would last a long time, but it did not

The following day, when I saw you at school,
we actually talked.. Now that was pretty cool..
Again, you put smiles on my face, just like before
though you helped me laugh, deep inside.. you hurt me more..

I didn’t give up, I wouldn’t tell..
Being so stubborn, though I knew well..
That denying my feelings, won’t do any good
but.. I didn’t want to be a burden and tell you like I should..

Remember that day when you told me it ended?
And I acted like it didn’t matter? Well, I pretended..
I was sad for you both, that was still true..
But I was trying to hide, that I was sort of happy too..

Now, about five months have passed,
since that day, when I nervously asked..
And about two months have gone away,
since my most horrible valentine’s day
Those days, that seem like so long ago..
Though you’ve moved on, I can’t let go