Keeping my soul

As i live another day
around my fears and another lie
i make my final wish
my wish to die

i have done everything
nothing seems to work
why wont u kill me god
i feel like such a jerk

i know my life
means everything to some
and i feel like I'm losing hope
like my body goes completly numb

at first when i started cutting
i told everyone around
i think it was because i was scared
i was afraid i would end up on the ground

but now that i know
it just releases my pain
i do it more and more
just to keep me sane

i haven't told a soul
till i almost died
then i told my best friend
for her i only cried

as i cut more in one day
then i ever had before
as i cut over 50 times
and let my blood drain more

i have lied to many
telling them i don't do it
i can fend for myself
now in the game of life i want to quit

now as i try over and over again
it never seems to go through
and i now realize
i that to myself i have to stay true

now i still cut
just to keep myself whole
i just want the pain
but i want to keep my soul