Living To Die

I looked deep down inside my soul
All I found was a big empty hole.
I know there is a part of me...
That is missing-but what part could it be?

Could it be my mother?
She is always working like some other.
When I need her most
I would only find her ghost.

Could it be my father?
Who doesn't seem to bother.
He is never even here
It's like he doesn't care.

Could it be my sister?
Who is almost like a twister.
Pushes me around
Brings me to the ground.

Could it be the guy I like?
His name is Michael-Also known as mike.
I think he exspects too much from me
As he will never let us be, never will he.

Could it be my school?
The major success tool.
It puts a lot of pressure on my future
It's also the way I'm suppose to mature.

Could it be my friends?
Always needing helping hands.
Yet when I'm so very sad,
Its nothing too, too bad.

Could it be my dead grandmother?
Who showed me how to be stronger.
She showed me such, but now she's gone
Am I suppose to be strong and move on?

Could it be my dieing uncle?
Letting me down from letting cancer conquer.
Yet again I am 14 and suppose to be strong
Can't be upset and do anything wrong.

Could it just be this town?
Making me drop my dreams and getting me down.
Such a town, so useless and small
yet powerful enough to make me fall.

Because of all of this I take a knife
I take a knife to my life.
I go down so far, and so deep
Taking the pain off of my mind and making me weep.

Nobody can tell me to stop
Because there is no way this knife will drop.
This isn't the first, But maybe the last
I'll be sure to make it fast.

So goodbye to you
And goodbye to everything I knew
Why fight to live
When we are all living to die.

*If You Vote...Please Comment...This Poem Is My Life...Probably The Last Poem Ill Write*