Family

You poor old fools
You really believe me?
You think I’ll tell you everything?
I barely even know you
So why would you be the one
I decide to tell?
I’m sorry to say this
But you don’t know the half of it

Yes, you’re my family
But that doesn’t mean I know you
You want me to talk to you guys
When you don’t talk to me
You’ll talk about me
But not to me
I hear some of what you say
About me behind my back
And it disappoints me immensely
That you talk about your kinsman
Behind their back
You think you know me
And you want me to trust you
When I hardly know you

Dad, I know you so little
I don’t even see you everyday
We both used to be locked away
Now it’s just you who’s hiding
I don’t know exactly what you do at work
After I tried to kill myself you opened up a bit
You told me you stopped drinking
I didn’t even realize how much you drank
If I asked you, would you lie?
I never knew that you wrote
I didn’t know you might have depression
Or something like it
I knew so little about you before
I still know almost nothing

Mom, what can I say?
I see you almost everyday
But I know less about you
Than I do about Dad
I never knew your father was a drunk
I still don’t know about your past
Even what you’ve told me
I don’t know if I can believe it
Because I’ve caught you in lies
That I can’t confront you about
Because you don’t know that I know
I know you used to smoke weed
But that’s really all of your past I know of
I’ve learned nothing new about you
Since I tried to kill myself
You still haven’t opened up in the least
I barely know anything about you

Mary, this hurts me the most
I used to know you so well
Every little secret we would share
I knew every crush you had
I knew everything you wanted to buy
I knew what caused you to cry
And I knew what made you happy
But now I feel I don’t know you at all
Once you left for California
Things never really went back to normal
After you moved back
We saw less and less of each other
You were always with Nate
And I was always in my room
I don’t know if you have a job
I don’t know how things are with Nate
I don’t know what makes you happy
And I don’t know if I’ve made you cry
I wish I still knew everything about you
And you still knew all my secrets
But we started to slip apart this year
I don’t really know you anymore

These people in my house
I usually call them family
They keep secrets from me
Talk about me behind my back
Everyday they block me out
But because I tried to kill myself
They want to know my secrets now
They want to know if I’m alright
They want me to open up to them
While they continue to stay closed
And keep secrets from me

I live with strangers
I have all my life
Without ever realizing it
But now I finally understand
It is human nature to stay closed
To keep secrets from everybody
It’s also human nature to want to know
Everything about everybody else
So go ahead and keep your secrets to yourself
Go ahead and stay locked up
And ask me to open up to you
I’ll tell you only so much
I will keep my own secrets
Until I feel I know you
Then perhaps I’ll grant you your wish
But for the time being
I’m staying closed to my family
I’m keeping my thoughts to myself