My story

I idolized her, admired her,
I thought she was a star,
I got confused by feelings,
It was a crush that went too far.

This was my very first crush,
But I demoted it to admiration,
I felt a feeling I’d never felt,
I could not understand my fascination.

Then I met a boy so cruel,
He locked me in his game,
His desire only to crush my dreams,
And of course he reached his aim.

I was entwined with this boy,
And with this girl I felt things for,
The reaction caused by this mixture,
Pushed me to the floor.

I guess he felt for her as well,
Just he did not care to confess,
We both wanted to get closer to her,
And it ended up a mess.

We took all the wrong paths,
In order to reach our goal,
Phone calls and messages;
They put us out of control.

I guess she got angry,
And her rage made me regret,
I wrote her a poem,
But she could not forgive and forget.

She laughed at these precious words,
The cried for absolution,
She found them so hilarious,
Anger was my only solution.

That day I turned against that girl,
And committed a deadly crime,
I did something so obvious and stupid,
That in words I can’t define.

And the next day I was broken,
Community service came my way,
And the guy that pushed me into this,
Deceitfully got away.

Guilt, regret, remorse, shame,
All feelings that I felt,
Disappointed and disgraced,
At myself for what I dealt.

And as they days passed along,
Her friend turned it into a sport,
Pushing me down into the ground,
Destroying all my support.

I grew so pained and miserable,
Shed tears of hurt and pain,
Lost in the world of distress I created,
With so little left to gain.

When she was not around,
I felt so well and free,
But when she was,
She was hurting me.

I lost all the rights I had,
I lost happiness and choir,
I could not sleep, I could not eat,
My heart was set on fire.

I got depressed, her friends kept trying,
To see me lost and hurt,
They teased tortured, did the worst,
I was pushed into the dirt.

Threatened by restraining orders,
Stared at and so stressed,
Guilt brought me to the ground
And made me so depressed.

I put on 15 pounds
Trying to find comfort in food,
I felt so fat, ugly and hated,
It forced me just to brood.

Guilty, despised and chubby,
I hated who I became,
I started to realize it was him,
He just left me to take the blame.

I started eating so little,
And chucking it up every day,
My clothes stopped fitting me,
My weight all went away.

I was so hurt and it was my fault,
I started to punish myself,
I just cut and cut up my skin,
I could not do anything else.

I cried and cried my eyes out,
Until she left the school,
But the fact that it never ended,
Felt so bad and cruel.

I was sorry from the bottom,
Of my once so loving heart,
I’d hurt her and myself,
My world was left apart.

I saw her the other day,
She flew in like a bird,
Back into my world again,
I couldn’t say a word.

Now I wish I could have used that chance,
To finally apologize,
But I was completely lost for words,
And it left tears in my eyes.

So now that I’m free to say,
The words I want to say;
I really want to say sorry,
For all I took away.

Days pass by but memories do not fade,
Even though they are painful and gory,
No matter how horrible this is,
These words are just my story.

*** sorry for length This is my story I hope you like it.
Please, please, please comment or vote, all comments are repaid thank you! ***