Why?

You thought I was ok and I didn't hurt
But all you knew was what I wouldn't blurt
I had hidden feelings and many lost scars
My heart was in pieces locked in jars
People loved me and stood by my side
They just didn't know I always cried
I felt alone and didn't feel me
How could God have let this be?
He watched my pain begin to fade
As I became friends with a rusty blade
Cuts on my arms, cuts on my wrists
My heart was beaten by my own two fists
Days, weeks, and months passed by
Not a single minute without a cry
I finally decided to let Satan in
Goodbye God it was time to end.
I got my blade and my soul
It was time to pay the final toll.
My wrist became heavily slashed
Purple blood seeped from the gash.
There I was where I wanted to be
The light dying from inside of me
But why didn't I close my eyes?
Why did I decide not to die?