Cutting through my thoughts

The sun is shining brightly, but all my heart can see is shadows, with an exception of the glint of a knife trembling in my hand, I roll up my sleeve, wincing at the sight of the cuts on my wrist that are slowly turning into scars. I’m about to slice my wrist open when I think of you…lying in a hospital miles away from me, doctors everywhere…as I shudder at the thought of losing you, the knife slips out of my hand, hitting the hardwood floor with a clatter. I sink to my knees, and start to sob… I cannot help but feel like I could have somehow prevented this, but now it’s too late, I can only hope that you will get better…I can’t believe it took this long for me to realize how much you mean to me, to realize hw much I care about you…it took me too long to realize that this is no ordinary middle school fling, took me too long to realize that…I love you! As I kneel there on the kitchen floor, these thoughts spinning through my head, the cold hand of fear grips my heart. I gasp aloud, feeling like an icy wind just threw me to the ground. I slump over on my side, still sobbing harder than ever, and curl up right there on the kitchen floor…Ryan, I’m dying!! Please get better so that you can come and save me from myself, my heart, and my dark thoughts… I need you…but more than anything, I love you!!!

i wrote this before i broke up w/ my boyfriend...it sucks but plz comment