THE LETTER (a poem)

I’m writing you this letter to express the way I feel. To let you know what’s on my mind, so that you can know the deal. I’m doing this because I can’t leave us on bad terms. Cause lately, all my fears are reaffirmed. I know that this is crazy, but I thought you’d understand. This is my way of a truce… a step up from shaking hands.

I loved you very much, although at times I didn’t express. It always seemed so hard with you, I was always feeling stressed. And I hate to have to say this, but there was a complete lack of trust. I don’t want to have a relationship that’s purely based on lust.

There was a constant flow of others, there was never-ending doubt-- every time your phone rang, or you’d leave to go out. There were countless easy females, and your nights out with the guys. How could I believe a word you said? I thought everything was lies.

At first, I felt so hurt. I felt so betrayed. I felt like you were only with me, because you knew that you’d get laid. My emotions were so strong, I didn’t want to show it. I didn’t want to scare you off, I didn’t want to blow it. I thought you’d get too comfortable if you saw me upset. So I tried not to dwell on it…I tried not to fret.

I didn’t want to push away in fear of where you’d go. I didn’t want to give it up, but couldn’t stand to take things slow. Cause when our bodies were together nothing could compare. To the way you put it on me, and grabbing fistfuls of your hair. From the way you fit just right inside, to the way you kiss my neck And the way it never took much for you to keep my body in check.

We didn’t care about the consequence, we couldn’t give a damn. It seemed then that taking care of horniness was our most important plan. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was more then having sex. It was complete satisfaction, with other shit that got complex.

For a while I was angry, I didn’t want to see your face. So I sat down and smoked a blunt, and put the pieces in their place. I figured out a vital thing; a fact I wish I could have seen, when you were just mine; And not this awkward in-between. See, I do know one thing for sure: our love could last forever. The sad thing is it doesn’t mean that we were meant to be together.

I was hard to carry on when I came to this conclusion. My mind was made, I’d seen the light! Yet there was only mass confusion.

But most of all there’s something I still need you to know. That no matter what goes on with us, and no matter where I go… I still love you; you mean so much to me. Don’t forget about our plan for when we turn thirty! And remember that when all else fails and you want to settle down… When you’ve gotten time to be alone, and you’re through with girls in town… You’ve got someone to ease your mind, and love away your pain. And maybe at that point we’ll have only love to gain.