Once a Friend

I'm scared asking for help, don't walk away, I can't even describe what will happen if you leave. Why take the risk, don't you care, I want to realize the consequences. What will it take above the pressure? I know I'm in trouble, I promised myself, rising above it all you are my friend. I just can't believe your actions, disappointment and pity is your denial and excuses. Your eyes told me to get strong, heal, cope, and trust friends, but I can hardly trust myself, let alone another human being. I'm out of control, give me a wake-up call. True self respect is what I asked from myself, but decide for yourself, don't influence me, admit to yourself letting me down was what you wanted all along. Are you my friend? I can't stand the pressure, too many times I watched you stab me in the back. Struggling to find me in my own person, do you hear me asking for your help? I want you to change your mind, to be a good friend, and help me along, but this journey is one I must take alone, for it's a self finding of confidence, trust, friendship, and how to deal.I had to learn my lesson one way or the other, to trust you just helped it along faster. Life is confusing at times, where are you going, turning your back on me once again. Putting me at risk, you took the life away from my body, a different person now, stronger than ever, but still weak as I was before. Being a good friend was something to hard to ask from you, something you'll never be able to do. You've been there for me until things got bad and seemed to real, turned your back and kept on walking. Who am I? What do I do? Nothings alright, nothings the same. I promised myself to never let this happen, your such a good actor, thank you once again. I want to speak out and reach above, but your holding me down, I can't break through these walls. You had me so fooled, but now I know, your just another face in the crowd, someone who doesn't understand, someone who never has, someone who never will. I told you once before and I will tell you once again, thank you for everything, but truly nothing at all. Admit to yourself, seeing me suffer and in pain was the best entertainment you ever did see. Loose the competitive edge, you never going to win, I've learned your ways, and you've been shot in the face with your own game. So, to say the very least, never again will we be good, for you've ruined it for yourself, so this is goodbye my friend, this is the end.