For You (another suicide...)

~Ok, this is like a weird poem i made up after fighting the urge to cut...~

Laying in my bed,
fighting the urge to grab the blade,
suicidal thoughts running through my head,
happy memories into black they fade

i close my eyes trying to think of you,
your laugh, smile, your care,
i think of how i trust you,
cuz you are always there,

but i was overwhelmed by the pain,
i fight hard but i feel,
the blade i go to obtain,
i try hard not to yell

the blade against my exposed wrist,
I mumble softly to the air:
\"Sweetie, I\'m sorry, I couldn\'t resist,
But please just say you\'ll always be there

If i bleed i pray it won\'t be deep,
I love you, and if I die,
i don\'t want you to weep,
I love you, it isn\'t goodbye

I know you can\'t hear me,
and if you did, you would scare,
but i hope i don\'t cut too deep,
cuz i know that you\'re there\"

With this the blade rips through my skin,
I close my eyes and feel the blood,
down my wrist, the fountain begins,
and it soon turns into a flood

In the rush of my head,
the blood keeps its flow,
i pray that i don\'t wake up dead,
i pray the blood will start to slow

suddenly in the black,
your tears of pain fill my head,
you just wanted me to fight back,
you never wanted to see me end up dead

i see you and i wake,
I\'m on bed crying,
it was a nightmare, for God\'s sake,
what you would do if i ended up dying

i turn over and cry,
i don\'t wanna cut again,
i don\'t wanna ever die,
i want to recover, to let it begin

~Ok, sucks, i know... but it goes out to Paul... without him and a few others, i don\'t know where i\'d be~