What Do I do?

I'm torn in two,
Which way to go,
Slip under,
Or reach up,
What to do,
Should I go with the flow?,
Or use spear of sunder,
Aim for the cup,
Or settle for the pew?,
As I pray for my life,
Never to switch row,
Or breathe in the rays of light,
Accept the upcoming,
And deal with this,
Not giving up without a fight,
And forever numbing,
The hate inside,
Right now I'm faithless,
I believe only in myself,
But which is right?,
To stop running,
Or to keep the knife at my side?,
I fear this,
I feared my mental health,
But at my height,
I'm fine,
So why when I'm low,
Is there a sign?,
I comitted the sin,
But I got such a fright,
I feel like I've been taken for a ride,
And shrapnel narrowly miss,
Everything I built up,
But will it break me?,
I'm afraid,
Have I learnt my lesson?,
I know I lied,
I was free,
But I've been played,
And I've tried,
And yet I'm still me,
Fine and going well,
But that feeling,
Is seeping back,
I've been betrayed,
I hit the walls of my cell,
My hands peel back reeling,
I've had a lot to take.
I can take the flack,
Alone I break,
With this I stand.