Wow, a great poem I really enjoyed! A great idea originally put to great words, great flow, rhymes, very deep, explanatory and easily read. Everything that is good about a poem is here, including a great last line. Keep writing you have a great talent for it! Keep it up!
Wow! this poem just low me away, i loved every minute of it. I'm sure alot of people can relate to this and hopefully it's not true for you. You captured this situation beautifully, i really enjoyed reading it. Great work
Honestly, I loved this poem alot, to me when you write you seem to write stronger and more powerful sad and depressing poems I feel its because you express yourself better. This was deep and powerful and showed your emotions of misery to the reader. Nice word choice strong. Overall a good read. 5/5 ~mel
I really enjoyed this poem because I can really relate. This is a very sad story. The wording again is very nice because you didn't stray at all from what you wamted to say. I can see this poem being about a guy or girl who has had a terrible life. And all they want is to numb the pain they feel. They use anything they are familiar with. I can see this person being riddled with addiction for many years. Life is tough indeed. The ending though is extremely powerful. You are saying that life rejects you and death doesn't want you so you are stuck in a hole of nothingness. Great write
4 years ago
Tara, this is such a beautifully written piece full of raw emotion and one that many people (including me) can relate as darkness gets to us all at some point in our lives but some deal with it a lot better than others, unfortunately.
Your words hit me deeply because I have been here all too often.
"Still bleeding inside, my face paints a smile,
Although I've been dead now for quite a while.
Things are never just gonna be okay....
I weep in my pillow, die more every day."
These lines hit home a lot more than the rest of the piece.
This was very good. You managed to keep it rhymed throughout. The flow was a little off but I'm guilty of that too. It was simply put and to the the point. Well written. It really captivates a feeling of jadedness, and even numb boredom to the pain. I really enjoyed this.