What You Did To Me

I'm so confused,
Was I meant to understand?,
Firstly I never gave up,
But at least I can say I tried,
As I mused,
Over my hand,
I knew I never lied,
I became numb,
No longer bemused,
As the knife began to land,
I never cried,
To the emptiness I succumb,
The feeling of being used,
The cuts become deep,
With the blood I confide,
And the feeling of being lonesome,
Left my knuckles bruised,
Couldn't sleep,
These feelings I couldn't hide,
Feeling so dumb,
The blade and fists cruised,
As the blood began to seep,
Been taken for a ride,
Adding up the sum,
Of being confused,
Now I'm expected to understand,
I cannot weep,
No matter how I've tried,
I felt fine,
Real good,
But I know we'll have to deal,
All this and make a line,
And I don't know if I ever could,
The wounds of that leap,
Left to make my own way,
Done too many times before,
Even if I said I never would,
I'm left to reap,
That fateful day,
Shaken to the core,
Her talking to my mate,
Making it seem like my fault,
The costs very steep,
Causing me to enter the fray,
I'm not asking for anymore,
But I'm hating this wait,
As the wound is touched by salt,
And I still can't sleep,
And I picture her in every way,
Trying to close the door,
Pushed open by your weight,
Telling my my mate of my anger,
Is it bad for me to keep,
All of it inside?,
Was it meant to be fine?,
But I guess it's a new day,
And I tried hard not to hit the floor,
And I guess it was fate,
But these secrets I keep,
And make the gap wide,
With the fears they combine,
To never keep the past at bay,
These fears I forever store,
Forever to be late,
These wounds left deep,
And I wonder,
Am I fine?