But it causes so much pain to the people who love me. The whole school knows about me. And I'm getting harassed and teased everyday. It chases all my boyfriends away. The inspiration of " Finally Giving You Up" and "Shut My Eyes" left me for that. And people are always asking me if I cut myself and I , of course , say no. But I'm sure they know by all the scars. I never told anyone about this, but one day I went to my locker and found a picture of me in a stray jacket and knives stabbed into my body and blood scattered everywhere and kids around me in a circle laughing at me. I don't know who did it. Everybody calls me psycho. Plus, I go to a counselor who has kids popping in and out of her office. So many people are in my business. I regret starting and getting myself addicted. I was so dumb. I wasn't strong enough to handle my problems and talk it over and get it settled. Instead I was selfish and stubborn.
I regret it all. I look at myself and see the scars and of course the memories come flooding back to me. I remember the first time I cut myself. I also remember showing off my bloodied arm to my mom and brother on purpose. I know most people try to hide the fact that they do it but I wanted them to pay attention and see how much I was hurting inside. They didn't understand why I cut myself. They thought it was disgusting ans all it would do was cause me scars. They said it wouldn't help with anything but they had no idea how it felt to be me. I feel pain almost everyday. I don't know why, but sometimes the only way to stop the pain is by releasing it. And that is how I release it.
I feel so alone. I know people have said the saying " You are never alone" but then why do I feel like I'm the only one going through this pain? I know there are a lot of people in the world hurting and I know that these people are around me everyday. The truth is that I am not alone physically, but emotionally I am alone. In my suffering. I don't want people to feel sorry for me or think I'm too wrapped up in myself, but depression and self mutilation can make you come off that way.
CONCLUSION
I want to give everyone out there reading this a piece of advice : handle your problems in a healthy way. Don't go off slicing and dicing because it just isn't right. Like I said before all of this that it was a way of releasing all of my anger there was always another way for this. It was never okay to cut. And I'm finding out so much about my friends lives and stuff and I have it made. Plus, if you start somebody's bound to find out. They might see the scars, they might see that you're becoming very secretive. I don't want this to give anybody and ideas. You see what people are doing to me and how they tease me. Why would you put yourself through this? I would suggest handing your problems the way you want to ( and if you wanna cut, find something else). I'm putting this here because suicide is the number 3 killer of teens in America. I'm also doing this to save as many people as I can from this pain and suicide.
