I love yu to much

I sit and sit waiting for you to sign on..and once you have Im to afraid to talk to you i don't know why because there is so much i want to say to you but i know you don't care.in my head i replay everything you once told me and my tears come pouring down my face.on blank piece of paper that i have in front of me i rite...i love you, i love you, i love you in repeat but at the every end in big letters i put that " i hate you ".but it doesn't make me fell any better.i want to hurt you, hurt you so bad that Im the only thing on your mind but cant cuz i love you to much