Contemptuous

I'm just trying to find ease, let my soul be freed.
Cutting my arm to see how much it bleeds,
the sensation such a sudden rush to me.

I dont wanna deal with this frustration and pain,
popping pills, drink after drink, arm blood-steined.
Why can I still not escape this struggle?
Why am I still wrong when you know I'm right?
Why do I always seem to be in trouble?
Why can I feel my heart and soul ignite?
Almost as though I'm decomposing (or ,maybe I'm just hoping)
I feel my departure from life is nearing present,
finally, things are going how I want them to be.
Finally a genuine smile is within me