What is happening?

by Walter F Alvarado   Aug 4, 2005


What is happening to our
world today

things seem to get worst
everyday

You hear it about it in
the news

People seem to be getting
confuse

Things go from bad
to worst

I think of this
as a curse

We hear about soldiers
dying everyday

Representing our country
in every single way

You hear cases of
child abuse

While does who commit
the crime are out-there
running loose

More teens are taking
away there life's

even with a single knife

Teens walking in with guns
to there schools

thinking that is cool

Teachers committing
child abuse

Whats the point to take
them to court if all they use
is an excuse

This things i speak of
come from my heart

But are also are tearing our
nation apart

Is about time we do
something about it

Because our whole
future is depending
on it

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    First off - My Critique.

    "things seem to get worst
    everyday"
    `I think you mean "worse" here.

    "People seem to be getting
    confuse"
    `Cutting words short in order to keep the flow usually backfires. I'd say "confused" would work perfect here, keeps the flow as well as makes more sense.
    Also I think [People seem to get confused] would continue with the flow better, but these are just observations!

    "Things go from bad
    to worst"
    `Again, worse works better.
    But I also think you should expand your vocab instead of repeating words. Repetition works excellent when emphasising a point, but on single descirbing words it can throw off the flow.

    "You hear [of] cases of
    child abuse"
    `Adding the of not only collects the flow a little better, but also makes it easier for the reader to understand on a quick stride and not have to read over each word.

    I think your rhyme scheme became a little overused by the end. Don't try too hard to write a typical rhyming poem. Poetic rhythem can be found within any structure once you phrase it correctly.

    - Theme.

    I have to say, I honestly love this theme.
    I think I have a poem written on it myself from a while back. Its something that is around us everyday, that everyone has heard of and knows of. This means you need to make it your own. Take the idea but run with it, because being a common idea can sometimes be a poems downfall.

    I know this is an old poem, but I see a lot of potential. Well done. :)

  • 18 years ago

    by M MEM

    ok so we've reconized the problems, how do we fix it? ive tried to igure it out, but no luck,very good porm