I am going to tell you a story
Something between just you and I
It will be our little secret
Something never to be shared
I am going to take you back
Back to square one
Before everything became so difficult
Before it became today
I have always been told that starting is the hardest
But over time I have learned to disagree
But it is the things in between that make it more worthwhile
And in the life of me, this is not how it seems
The place I loved
Is now the place that I cherish
I miss the way the waves rolled in
And how the golden sand filled between my toes
So happy and content
With nothing but a smile
Loving the way
My classmates liked me best
Then that day came
The dreaded news that we had to leave
It was not the first time
And I hoped it was the last
The news of moving crushed my soul
Left me to whimper
And left me ask myself why
And to this day I still do not know
Ever since that day
Nothing has been the same
Everything has been faked
Living nothing but a lie
But these words I continue to write
Reading them as there sprawled across the paper
Meaning nothing to no one
But telling the life of me
As time went on
I let the fake take over the real
And slowly learned to believe
That it was really the real me
I somehow ended up at an all girls’ school
No one but my parents know why
I think it was more of a punishment
Then for my own good
I met some people
I would have liked not to get involved with
But god had his reasons
And alas I was to suffer
Becoming closer to these people
Not seeing the evil behind there lies
I learned to trust them
And let them take control over me
Always being used
And never realizing
The mass loads of dirt
That was forced into my mouth
My “friends†still laugh
At how stupid I was
To let them do that to me
But I was only young, and just wanted to belong
Counseling for the first time
At just 11
Already to screwed up
But never believing it was true
Yet again I let it happen
Trusted people I should never have let in
Letting them take me off the railway
And making me hurt for all its worth
Doing some stupid things
And letting other peoples words
Hurt me like a blade
Never could
My parents still insisting that counseling is best
Forcing me to go
In hope it may help
That is when it all happened
That’s when I started lying
In hope of getting out of counseling
And in all aspects
It worked
But then it happened…
The one person I have truly loved
Passed away
And went to somewhere much much better
I miss him like the moon misses a starry sky
He was my angel
My moon, my night sky
And my light when things got dark
He was my grandpa
But my friends told me I was stupid
To miss something so old
How little they know
I did not let any emotion show
No one to this day knows how much I miss him
Or the tears I shed
In hope he may return
Being plain old me
I let people get the better of me again
Only to have them throw me away
Like I was nothing but a dirty sock
I should have been getting used to it
But instead it made me worse
And through my mask
The cracks started to show
It was then that I learned of self-harm
And many other mysterious things
Things a 12 year old should never have learned
But that is how it happened
My pain over flowing to the knife
In hope of nothing more
But to release the pain
From deep within
My parents started getting worried
About how much time I spent on my own
So back to counseling I went
My parents only wanting what is best
It is stupid I know
To let stupid things like this get to me
But that was when I really screwed up
Someone I should have let in I pushed away
Now they are a mystery
Always running from me
Scared that I will hurt them again
But never showing the pain they deal
So this is how it is
This is why I cry during the night
Stupid I know
But you deserved to know
These words have no meaning
But are aimlessly linked together
To form a poem
About the life of me
So this is where I sit
Staring at my own reflection
Wondering how it came to this
Still wondering why…
But before I go
I have some final words
Something never to be forgotten
This is how they go
There is one thing in my life
That has never run away
But stuck by me
Through my ups and my downs
And to that person I owe my life
I’m sorry for not returning the favor
But it took me a while to trust again
And now you are my life
My reason to live
And for that, you are my everything
*hey, i have posted this before but took it off for some un known reason*
