Unspoken Words

(not really a poem but I couldn't fit it in the quotes!)

When I leave him, I find myself thinking about him. I don't even get out the door before my head starts screaming his name. I don't want to leave but I have to. My heart breaks every time I walk out that door even if it's goodbye for 5 minutes or 5 years it's still the same pain. When I can't turn around and see him standing there its unbearable. I keep looking back like I'll see him running after me telling me not to go but, nothing. Once I see him again my stomach turns, I get the biggest butterflies, my knees get week, and all I can do is smile. As soon as he looks me in the eye it's like all I can do is stare back, at that moment I just want to say a million words but nothing seems to come out. I just sit there wishing, somehow he could read every thought that goes through my head because then he would truly know what I go through...What I really don't want to go through but do it anyways just to see him...Just hoping maybe today will be different maybe for once he's thinking the same thing. Then I think maybe he'll come over and let me know... Maybe he'll say that like me "Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of everyday, of every month, of every year, of this lifetime I can't live without you." Maybe he'll tell me that after all these years that he wants to be with me because he's loved me for 6 years but he's been to scared to tell me! But then I think I don'twant to know how he feels because if he says it out loud then it becomes real its no longer a dream. I want to tell him that I want to be with him but to be with him Id be getting what Ive always wanted, I then have something to loose...and in a heartbeat what was 6 years in the making could be gone forever. I wish that I could tell him that just to see him smile is all that matters to me. I want him to know that when I just look at him that every problem Ive had leading up to this moment goes away. That at that moment I feel a hundred different things at once. That no other person compares with him! I wish I could say after all these years he still makes me feel like a naive, infatuated, little girl. He makes me feel like I matter to him no matter how many people tell me differently. Even if it were until tomorrow spending the rest of my life with him would make me the happiest girl in the world. That when he touches me, I feel like I went to heaven and back. Maybe just to tell him that when he looks me in the eye it gives me chills up my spine. Maybe that will be enough for him. I think while hes looking at me that maybe in his head hes going "god that girl is beautiful what was I thinking."And for a split second I actually have myself believing that he feels for me what I feel for him...Then, I realize that Im still staring at someone who isnt there anymore!

**Please comment I would love to know what you think!!**