This is a poem I wrote to illustrate repetition and how it could be used in poetry. I wrote, constructed, and structured it, on the fly. I feel
I've created a quality poem, but you can be your own judge. Tell me what you think of my poetic attempt at repetition?
Siren of My Dreams
I saw her today - within my minds eye.
A memory, from last nights dream.
I saw her, floating, from clouds on high.
But alas, her, I could not reach.
I saw her today - with smile beaming,
Melting, my heart's catacombs.
Like a river, her beauty, streaming.
Reached out for her, to discover, I was, alone.
I saw her today, beckoning me, to follow,
Offering, pleasures, that I could only dream of.
But -- as in her ecstasy, I began, to wallow,
Morning came again, and I woke up.
I saw her, today, only, alas, to have her, leave me.
But soon, I know, we shall meet again, as I lay me down, to sleep!!!
As always, your comments and votes greatly appreciated, thank you!!!
I liked it a lot and thought the repetition was pretty effective.. nice flow to it.. from a lot of your works, i see you use commas a lot to augment flow.. to me it is a kind of distraction on first-read, but it does direct the flow.. probably just your style but yea.. the last line of the first stanza seems a bit weird.. you changed the syntax to help the flow, and it worked well, but it just seems a bit awkward where you placed 'her'.. all in all an awesome poem and good use of the technique.. later